Been a while, hasn't it?

I recently turned thirty-two, and it was the best birthday I can remember.
Ever.

What set this particular birthday apart from all others was the ten months that preceded it:  a life-changing whirlwind of change, growth, drama, crushed limits, and sweet success that transformed me into a better, stronger, happier woman than I thought possible.

Back in April of last year I joined several other women in a fitness group called Bod-E-Volve, run by my brilliant trainer and friend, John Gibson.  This online personal training was definitely unusual with its downloadable workouts, video nutrition lessons, and weekly email exchanges.  But more than these details, what really struck me as revolutionary was the spirit of this program, which was unlike anything I'd encountered in my past attempts to shed pounds.  No doubt you're musing what eccentric, extreme methods we were forced to endure, and I'm sure it will come as a shock when I write the words that come to mind.  

Patience.  Kindness.  Empowerment.

As women, we are programmed, through numerous influences, to view ourselves as our own worst enemies.  We think brutality and suffering are the only way to break a rebellious spirit, so we push harder, talk harsher, and unleash our inner Jillian Michaels in order to make healthy headway.  I knew the drill, but when I started this program, I was presented with a whole new way of treating myself.  Our training was habit-based coaching that built from where we were, gradually introducing healthy habits and lifestyle changes.
It emphasized that small, positive improvements are all that's required to make progress and see results.  

I am one of those women that always struggled with my weight.  People who knew me in high school usually can't help stuttering through some sort of stunned compliment when they see me now,
failing miserably to hide the shock that threatens to shut down their respiratory system.
I won't lie, I wholeheartedly enjoy it, but the reason I'm telling you this is to confide that I was that girl.
The sweet, heavy, non-threatening one that was, as my grandma told the video camera on graduation day, "...a big ball of FUN!"  (True story.  Sigh.)

That's me in the back, center.

Anyway, after high school I became more active and found I enjoyed exercise more than I thought I would,
but unfortunately for my health goals, I chose the path of the Pastry Chef.
I'd always loved to cook, and seriously who wouldn't love to be surrounded by chocolate and caramelized sugar on a daily basis?!
So, despite a new-found love for working out, I indulged in the steady stream of frosting-filled temptation to keep me from the life I longed to lead.

Before I knew it I found myself surrounded by a myriad of frustrations: loving my job yet repeatedly giving in to cravings, becoming tangled in the world of pregnancy, post-baby weight, and the accompanying emotional upheaval.  The greatest frustration of all was knowing I had a greater potential lurking somewhere inside of me that, no matter my efforts, I just couldn't access.

When I heard about the Bod-E-Volve program, I was two children and seven years into marriage.  I had run a half-marathon, thinking the training and accomplishment alone would slim me down to the willowy, gorgeous athlete I longed to be.  No dice.

I ignored fad diets, and instead tried endless training programs (thank you, Pinterest, Tony Horton, etc.), each requiring an over-night change and more energy than a busy mom could maintain- especially considering so many of my already-ingrained habits were far from healthy.  I realize now, looking back, that I was running around treating symptoms instead of addressing the problem.  To top it off, these fitness 'experts' contradicted each other so often I wound up feeling more confused than clarified.  Consequently, I never made it more than three or four weeks before hitting mental, physical, and emotional exhaustion which, of course, led to my favorite solution: bake it all better.
While tasty, this cycle took a serious toll on my confidence and self-image.  

Enter Bod-E-Volve.

Watching the videos as John introduced his program and asked for participants, something told me that somehow this was going to be life-changing and I wanted to be part of it.  I wrote my please-let-me-into-your-program essay.  I set up the camera and took miserable-looking photos of myself that made me cringe to attach to the application email.  I took measurements that I was horrified to share then closed my eyes and sent the whole messy package to him anyway.

Beginning Measurements
(April 2013)

Neck  14"
Shoulders  43"
Chest  37"
Waist 37"
Arm 12"
Hips  41"
Thigh  23"
Calf  15"

153 lbs
Body Fat Percentage  32%

Our first few lessons were so basic and so manageable I remember wondering whether this program could really deliver results.  The first habit consisted of taking a multi-vitamin and fish oil each day.  Yep.  That was it.  The first workout was tough but completely doable, and left me thinking, "Um...what??  Why aren't I throwing up from the shock and strain of...getting fit?  Shouldn't I be pushing harder and wanting to either kill myself or drop dead on the floor?  Isn't pain just supposed to be fear leaving my body or some such nonsense that makes me look hard-core while making weep on the inside?
What kind of training is this?!"

I'm pretty sure I wasn't alone in my thoughts as John repeatedly assured the group that if we stuck with him, doing 'enough' each day and targeting gradual, sustainable change we would succeed.
So that's what I did.

One of the greatest things I learned in those first few months was that giving my best effort was enough.  Some days I killed it, and others I took a few steps back (darn cookie dough), but the difference was that this time I was being fed a steady diet of encouragement and praise not only from my trainer, but myself.  Through emails and a supportive group forum I was reminded that doing penance for my mistakes wasn't required.  When I did mess up I looked at what happened, decided how to handle things better next time,
and jumped back in. 

With my self-imposed guilt gone, it soon became a joy to work out, to eat better.  In my first month I saw my weight drop, inches melt away, and my confidence at the gym increase.  Instead of waiting on edge for the surrounding gym-rats to chase me out of a place I didn't belong, I took heart from the progress I was making.  I ventured into the heavy lifting room and soon felt like I owned it.  I ran sprints, swam laps, dead-lifted and treated myself to extra yoga sessions.  The daily question was no longer would I hit the gym, but when.  Exercise became a haven where I found peace, strength and discovered my kick-butt alter-ego.
I experienced weeks where my weight didn't budge, but my talented trainer pointed out all the other measurable progress I'd always ignored and tossed into the 'being too easy on myself' bin: how my clothes fit, my mood and energy level, increased lifting weight and cardio stamina,etc.  I continued to see results, receive compliments, and revel in my transformation.

I posted my goals and inspiration where I would see them daily. I blared Rocky on my mp3 player and envisioned who I wanted to be at the end of it all.  I made mistakes, but told frustration and hopelessness to take a hike and then started again.

We learned more about nutrition, what it means to nourish your body rather than feed it, and with John's encouragement to make my enthusiasm for food work for me instead of against, I delved into healthy cooking.  I soon discovered a greater passion for nutrition than I had ever had for pastry and the epiphany had me reeling; I guess I'd never realized just how much I based my identity on this interest and I walked around in a stupor for a whole day, my thoughts something like,

"Good grief, it's true.  I really don't love pastry like I love this.  When did this happen?  
Who am I...and what in the world do I do now?"

I vaguely remember offering a heart-felt apology to the pastry gods for my abrupt change in loyalty; like I said, it was a big day for me. I never heard back, so apparently it was a big day for them too.
I shared my insight with others and began work on a healthy collection of clean-eating recipes which quickly morphed into the beginnings of a cookbook for John's future clients.  I found myself talking to anyone that would listen (and some who would have rather run away) about the glory of kale and the endless potential of black beans.  

My own little family changed the way we ate; my kids began begging for beets in their smoothies and salad in place of packaged of lunchables.  Extended family members and friends asked for help and I joined them at the gym to offer advice and instruction.  I emailed recipes and invited people over for whole-foods dinners, asking for feedback and honest opinions, all the while learning, stumbling, starting fresh and improving my own training and lifestyle changes.

Then, at the pinnacle of my momentum, life struck.  We went through a period of unemployment, and as a result, I found myself juggling three jobs, home responsibilities, and a variety of other obligations to support my family.   Only a few months earlier, I would have gladly written this off as the perfect excuse to jump ship, but I was no longer that girl; these habits had become my way of life so I moved forward, kept focus, and was pleasantly surprised to discover more stamina than I knew I possessed.  I became someone new and fell totally in love with that person.  I found strength and courage and joy.  I uncovered talent and passion,
freedom and confidence.

Latest Measurements
(February 2014)

Neck  12"
Shoulders  39"
Chest  33"
Waist 27.5"
Arm 9.5"
Hips  35"
Thigh  19"
Calf  13.5"

121 lbs
Body Fat Percentage  13.6%

Total inches lost-  34.5"

Total weight loss-  33lb

Total BF% lost-  18.4%

And that's my story.  When I started all of this almost a year ago, the motivation that spurred me on was a deep longing to see exactly what I was capable of, to discover my own potential and unleash it.  The best part of this adventure is that I feel as though I've only scratched the surface of what I can and what I want to become.  I am loving the now and can't wait for the future.  I am proud of who I am, indebted to my support system, and already buzzing with what I want to try next.

 It's an incredible feeling.